Here’s a question that stopped me in my tracks a few years ago:
When was the last time you called a teacher into your office for a conversation that wasn’t about a problem?
If you’re like most directors, the answer is probably “I can’t remember.” And I get it. We’re busy. We’re putting out fires. We only have time to talk to people when something needs fixing.
But here’s what I learned after 21 years of running ScribbleTime: This creates a culture where people are nervous every time you want to talk to them.
The Day I Realized We Had a Problem
When we first started doing check-ins at our center, something interesting happened. People would get visibly nervous when we’d ask to talk to them.
“Am I in trouble?”
“What did I do?”
“Is everything okay?”
Now, my sister and I have to tell whoever’s covering the classroom: “Tell her it’s nothing bad. We just want to chat.”
Because in early ed, getting called to the director’s office has become synonymous with something going wrong.
And that’s a problem.
Why Most Employee Conversations Feel Like Punishment
Think about when you typically talk to your team one-on-one:
- When there’s a problem that needs addressing
- When you’re giving corrective feedback
- During formal performance reviews
- When they’ve done something wrong
Notice a pattern?
We’ve accidentally created an environment where every sit-down conversation feels high-stakes, stressful, or punitive. Even when we are giving positive feedback during a performance review, it’s still formal. It’s still evaluative. There’s still a power dynamic that makes it hard to have a real conversation.
No wonder people feel nervous when you want to talk to them.
What If There Was a Different Way?
About 15 years ago—honestly, it might have been longer—we started doing something different at ScribbleTime. Something so simple I almost didn’t think it would make a difference.
We started having check-ins.
Not evaluations. Not disciplinary meetings. Not even formal feedback sessions.
Just… conversations. Real, human, relationship-building conversations.
And over the last 15+ years, this one simple practice has transformed our retention, improved accountability across the board, and completely changed our team culture.
The Difference Between Managing and Connecting
Here’s what most directors don’t realize: There’s a huge difference between managing someone’s performance and actually connecting with them as a person.
Performance reviews tell you what someone is doing.
Check-ins help you understand why—and what they need to do it better.
When you only talk to people about what they’re doing wrong, you miss the whole story. You miss the stress they’re carrying. The overwhelm they’re feeling. The small win they’re proud of. The problem that’s about to become a resignation letter.
But when you create space for regular, supportive check-ins, everything changes.
What I’ve Learned After 15 Years of Check-Ins
I’m not going to lie to you—when we first started doing this, I wasn’t sure it would work. It felt almost too simple.
But here’s what happened:
- Problems got solved before they became resignations
- People started communicating more openly
- Classroom morale improved across the board
- Retention went up (significantly)
- Accountability improved—without me having to micromanage
The teachers who used to need “extra attention”? Many of them just needed someone to actually listen to what was making their job hard.
The ones who weren’t being accountable? Sometimes they didn’t even realize what we expected—or they were drowning in something we didn’t know about.
Here’s What I Know Now
You can’t just do one of these and call it done. Consistency is key. These need to become a normal part of your leadership practice—just like tours, just like staff meetings, just like everything else you do to run your center.
But when you do? When you make this shift from only managing performance to actually connecting with your people?
Everything changes.
Take a listen to a recent podcast I did, Boosting Morale, listen here https://share.transistor.fm/s/9245246d
