Leaders expect a lot of themselves. That drive may help you get things done, but it can also lead to self-criticism when you don’t meet your expectations. An important part of leadership is learning to balance high standards with self-compassion. Mistakes and failure are an inevitable part of life, and it’s easy to beat yourself up when things aren’t going well. But as it turns out, self-criticism isn’t a very effective motivation. It might work in the short term, but it eventually will lead to burnout.
Responding with Self-Compassion
A more effective response is self-compassion. Self-compassion means extending the same kindness to yourself that you would to anyone else. Think about it: when someone you care about makes a mistake or has a bad day, how do you respond? Do you berate them for their carelessness? Do you pressure them to push themselves harder? Probably not. Instead, you meet them with kindness, care, and encouragement. You remind them that it’s ok to be human. You encourage them to cut themselves some slack. You tell them that their worth doesn’t come from what they do or how well they do it.
Positive Self-Talk
One of the simplest ways to show yourself more compassion is through your self-talk. Pay attention to your thoughts about yourself. When you find yourself being self-critical, replace that dialogue with something more compassionate. When you notice you’re expecting too much of yourself, cut yourself some slack. When you start feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to take a break.
Instilling Self-Compassion in Your Team
One of the benefits of self-compassion is that it’s contagious. When you lead from a place of unreasonable expectations and harsh self-criticism, your employees will pick up on that energy. They might feel pressure to be perfect or be afraid to ask for help when they’re struggling. On the other hand, when you model self-compassion, your employees will feel freer to learn from their mistakes rather than beat themselves up. That makes for a more positive work environment and a more effective team.
Self-compassion is a skill that takes time to learn but is crucial for leading well. With a little practice, it’s possible to start relating to yourself in a more positive and compassionate way.
